Valentine’s Day is a day of love and romance, but what about when those romantic gestures turn into love bombing to control and manipulate? What starts as exciting and charming gestures can be replaced with emotional abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is the act of generously giving someone attention or affection, especially to influence or manipulate them. The compliments you receive the words they say may sound lovely and seem to have nice intentions but in reality can be used to manipulate or control your actions.
It’s important to recognise the signs of love bombing and how it isn’t a sign of affection but a way of grooming a victim, to control them. This leaves the victim dependent and isolated. How can you spot the difference between genuine expressions of love and the actions of an abusive partner?
Love Bombing Red Flags
- “Let me spoil you”- receiving endless gifts, being whisked away or adorned with jewellery all in a short space of time. You may then be reminded of all the things they have given or done for you.
- “I’ve never met anyone as beautiful as you”- getting compliments that feel overwhelming because the relationship is new and they don’t know you. These compliments can feel fake.
- “I only want to be with you” Demanding your attention and time, ignoring your other commitments, and making you feel guilty for spending time with friends and family. Isolating you from others is a key red flag!
- “I just need to know you are ok, I’m worried” Needing constant reassurance by expecting you to “check-in” via calls, texts, or messages. It may seem romantic but is a way to monitor your movements and who you are with.
- “We’re Soulmates and meant to be together” placing demands and pressure on the relationship from very early on. This can feel overwhelming.
- “When we’re married” or “When we have kids” Place pressure on you to rush into a more serious relationship or make big plans for the future when you barely know each other.
- “When I’m with you, I just can’t help myself” They don’t respect your boundaries when you try to slow things down.
- “You make me do crazy things” Blaming you for their behaviour, becoming defensive or abusive if they are challenged. You may see them become aggressive if they don’t get their way.
- “I didn’t say that, you’re confused” Gaslighting and manipulating what they say and do so you can’t trust your senses or recognize what is real and what is fake.
- “My Ex was a psycho!” Blame others for previous relationship breakdowns. Lack of ability to take responsibility for their actions, by denying, minimizing or victim blaming.
If any of these statements/red flags sound familiar, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I feel uncomfortable around this person, or do they make me feel nervous?
- Does the intensity of the relationship feel overwhelming?
- Are you isolated? Have you lost touch with friends and loved ones? Are you made to feel guilty for spending time with anyone else?
- Do they stop you from making your own decisions?
- Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells around them? Or always having to adjust your behaviour?
- Do they want to make the relationship more serious and do it quickly, do you feel pressured into making a bigger relationship commitment?
If the answer is yes, you may be being love-bombed and in an abusive relationship. This can make you feel confused, conflicted, and scared. You do not need to feel alone, there is help available.
You can speak to one of our advisors at the Derbyshire Domestic Abuse Helpline. They are here to listen without judgement and offer support and advise.
You can contact us at the Derbyshire Domestic Abuse helpline on 08000198668 https://www.derbyshiredomesticabusehelpline.co.uk/
